Partners of Sex and Porn addicts Counselling and Coaching

Sex addiction affects millions of people, young and old, and all gender or sexual orientation. So you are not alone. 

Leigh was the partner of a sex addict for 10 years and a specialist in the area of addiction counselling.

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Are you feeling betrayed, confused and alone?

Does your addicted partner display any of the following behaviours?

  • Loss of control: In which the addicted person has promised to change their sexual acting out behaviour and can’t;
  • Negative consequences: the addicted person’s behaviours continue despite physical, psychological or emotional problems that are likely to have been caused or made worse by the behaviours;
  • Loss of time: a lot of time is spent by the addicted person planning, engaging in, or recovering from the effects of the behaviour;
  • Tolerance: the addicted person is compelled to engage in the behaviour for increasingly longer periods of time, or in increasingly risky ways to achieve the previous levels of arousal;
  • Withdrawal symptoms: Depression, rage, anxiety, sleep disturbance, or irritability emerge as the addicted person tries to abstain from the behaviour;
  • Inability to fulfil obligations: The addicted person’s behaviour interferes with important social, occupational or recreational activities.
  • Repeated efforts to stop: Usually seen as persistent unsuccessful attempts by the addicted person to cut back on or limit the behaviour.

You are not alone, sex addition affects millions of people

Sex addiction affects millions of people, young and old, and all gender or sexual orientation. So you are not alone. Most importantly, if your partner is sexually addicted this does not mean he or she is a bad person, but that they are suffering from a chronic mental illness; where they have developed, over many years, an addictive, compulsive and maladaptive relationship with sex.

The goal of sex addiction treatment is not abstinence from sex, but the elimination of the compulsive, self-destructive aspects to create the opportunity to develop positive, vibrant and satisfying sexual relationships that reflect real emotional, physical, spiritual intimacy and connection that is nourishing and growthful.

I can help, I am a qualified counsellor and coach

I can help, I am a qualified counsellor and coach who specializes in supporting the partners of sexually addicted persons.

I offer an empathic treatment of the traumatic impact of sex addiction on spouses/partners, couples, and families. The goal of treatment with me is rebuilding partner’s lives and relationships that have been lost to sex addiction. Many problematic, out-of-control sexual behaviours are rightly classified as an addictive disorder. 

I am inspired by Patrick Carnes and Paula Hall in their powerful work in the sex addiction space. I offer individual and group therapy for the spouses/partners of addicts, with face to face counselling available for those who live in Gauteng. I am also available online via Skype, Zoom, Teams or WhatsApp video or any other format for those outside of Gauteng. I have helped many partners and wives to find their own true voice and discover their purpose. I go at your pace. You need not be alone. I am here for you.

Experiencing the following symptoms?

If you are experiencing the following symptoms, you may be suffering from a traumatic attachment to a sexually addicted partner:

Hypervigilant behaviours: You find yourself in a constant state of ‘red alert’ (this is also known as hypervigilance) where you are constantly checking your partner’s cell phone and on-line behaviour (secret partners, sex worker websites, pornography and sex chat rooms to name a few). This behaviour tends to become highly obsessive and increasingly debilitating as partners of sex addicts search for the unequivocal truth and extent of the sexually addicted person’s acting out. This behaviour is also known as ‘investigating’.

You find yourself being triggered by: environmental factors (seeing something sexual on television, seeing an attractive person in the street, or a particular conversation), Emotional factors (such as feeling angry and resentful towards your sexually addicted partner, lonely, insecure, hopeless or overwhelmed). Relational factors (your sexually addicted partner disclosing yet more information about his or her acting out, or your sexually addicted partner being home later than he or she said he or she would, or even withdrawal and angry reactions from your sexually addicted partner).

Attempts to control: you find that you are constantly trying to police your sexually addicted partner in the hope that you can control their behaviour, yet you find your attempts render you powerless to control him or her.

Reactive behaviours: you are prone to angry outbursts, withdrawing and even violence. This behaviour is often associated with feelings of regret, shame and self-doubt afterwards.

Defence mechanisms: after intense emotional reactivity during conflict with your sexually addicted partner you use mental, emotional and behavioural strategies to bring the relationship in to a calmer place.

The latest cutting edge understanding of trauma and addiction

I am a partner of a sex addict, we will be celebrating 10 years of marriage in August.  I will share my embodied experience with you and give you the latest cutting edge understanding of trauma and addiction so that you are best equipped with the information to empower yourself through boundary setting. I along with you hope to create emotional safety and to go on a healing journey that when you look back you might see the gifts of you living your authentic truth.

This crossroad for many at first feels devastating, isolating and scary, for many it is the catalyst that pushed them off the edge of mediocrity and into the realms of their unlived dreams of hope, joy and peace. I am in your corner.  Let’s embark on embracing your best life!

Book a session either online or in person where I will ask you a number of questions to assess whether you are on the spectrum of sex and porn addiction, codependency, love addiction or the partner of a sex addict. 

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