Article compiled by Bonolo Sekudu and first published on News24 on the 17th of April 2023.
Photo: Getty Images
- Dating coach Leigh-Joy Mansel-Pleydell shares what you need to do to get over a breakup.
- It doesn’t have to be ghosting, but you can block or unfollow so that you can heal.
- Have playdates with yourself and do the things that bring you joy.
It is normal to struggle with moving on from an ex. This means you would have to make certain adjustments to your day-to-day life.
Getting used to something new does make it seem impossible to move on. Dating coach Leigh-Joy Mansel-Pleydell shares that writing a letter to yourself might be a good reminder of why you wanted out of the relationship.
“You will detail what you are looking for in a relationship and why this relationship falls short of what you want. It is more for you to remember and not fantasise about the relationship. Often we think of all the good things in the relationship and fantasise, or we only think of all the bad things,” she says.
Here's what you need to do to get over a breakup:
1. Block and unfollow your ex to give yourself time and space to heal. This helps to energetically separate yourself from your ex so that you can heal. It doesn’t have to be ghosting. You could let your ex know that you would like to take time to heal, and blocking them gives you both permission not to reach out.
Research shows that if you took time to heal the things that broke up the relationship in the first place, then a break would be a good idea to offer you both that time to heal and to take the connection on to a stronger foundation.
2. See a coach or counsellor to talk through the things that broke off the relationship. Dealing with the grief of the loss of a relationship with a professional can go a long way to help heal any frozen grief that is triggered by the past.
Looking at your attachment style, if it is maladaptive, it would have played out in the relationship and created further wounding. Healing your attachment style with a professional sets you up to create healthy bonds in future relationships.
3. Take up the things that bring you joy. You might have stopped doing some things to make time for your partner, or you simply quit doing things that brought you joy. Make playdates with yourself. Move – dance, walk, swim, yoga, Pilates – helps with the endorphins and releases trauma from the body.
4. Connect with family and friends – do fun things together.
5. Journal. Get your feelings up and out of your body so that the trauma and grief of the loss of the relationship don’t go sit in your body’s cells.
6. Pray and meditate. This connection will fill the void of the loss of your ex. It will fulfil and nourish you in ways they were never able to, or it was never their job in the first place to do.