Article compiled by Bonolo Sekudu and first published on News24 on the 29th of March 2023.
Photo: Getty Images
- Life coach Leigh-Joy Mansel-Pleydell says addiction destroys relationships and families.
- People sometimes stay because they think they can keep the addiction a secret and that no one else knows about it, but “secrets keep us sick,” Leigh-Joy says.
- Addicts are wounded people who have found maladaptive ways to cope with their past and present pain.
The impact of alcoholism and addiction on relationships can be devastating. Not only does this affect couples but families too.
Life coach Leigh-Joy Mansel-Pleydell says seeing a loved one in active addiction and denying their problem is hard and that such a person could rarely get help as some part of them may believe there is no other way to live.
The relationship will deteriorate and become toxic to everyone concerned. Here is how alcoholism and addiction negatively affect relationships:
- Trust is broken. Because the addict might promise to stop but always returns to the addiction, which breaks trust in themselves and the loved ones they promised to clean up for.
- Respect wanes for the addict and their loved ones. They keep promising to quit and don’t. The distressed family member might shout, scream, and threaten the addict to leave if they don’t stop.
- Love comes into question. All parties start questioning their love for each other. The repeated breaking of boundaries leaves people feeling exposed and vulnerable, which makes loving hard.
- Faith in themselves, the addict, and even their Higher Power/God become threatened. The addict may pray for healing and sobriety, get sober for a while, and then fall back into using and drinking again.
- Safety (emotional, mental, physical) is compromised by the addict and the family.
As hard as it may be for one partner to watch the addiction consume the other, it is wise to distance yourself from an addict who refuses help.
Leigh-Joy adds that people sometimes stay because they think they can keep the addiction a secret and that no one else knows about it. “Secrets keep us sick,” she says.
“Especially if there are children involved, the addict/alcoholic should be separated from their children because the trauma and damage their addiction causes in them is brutal.”
Leigh-Joy says she advises people that when someone seeks treatment, no big decisions be made in six months. “No divorce. Separation, yes, maybe. The reason is to keep the addict and family as stable as possible through the beginning stages of recovery.”
Remember that addicts are not bad people. She adds, “They are wounded people who have found maladaptive ways to cope with their past and present pain. They keep doing the same thing over and over, hoping for a different result. Love the addict, and set boundaries with the addiction.”
