7 Brutally honest questions to ask when going into the dating scene according to an expert

Article written by Bonolo Sekudu and first published on News24 on the 16th of August.
Photo: Moyo Studio/Getty Images
  • If you are looking to date exclusively, dating coach Leigh-Joy says have a vision.
  • Still, some people fear mentioning definitive titles and no one wants their time wasted.
  • Loneliness tends to be the reason people want to date, which Leigh-Joy says is not a good reason.

Dating sounds casual but is it really? “Go on dates and don’t rush into anything serious,” they say.

Still, without the definitive title of an official relationship that some people fear mentioning, no one wants to waste their time. Dating sites require you to pick a box, “relationship,” “something casual” or “not sure yet”.

But then again, rules in the dating scene change ever so often and seemingly from person to person. While some may date to find love and a future, others date for fun. 

If you are looking to date exclusively, dating coach Leigh-Joy says have a vision for the relationship so that when things get tough, “it’s grace and the vision that navigates you out of tricky waters”. 

Here’s a look at the seven questions the expert advises you consider. 

Seven questions to ask when starting to date:

  • Are you both dating fun?
  • What are your and their intentions for dating?
  • Do you (and the person you are dating) have the capacity to date?
  • Does either of you have residual resentment from past relationships that need healing?
  • What reasons are you giving for your last breakup? (If you are blaming your ex and not taking accountability for your part, you are not ready to date).
  • What is your fight language?
  • Do you know how to have a respectful, compassionate and honest confrontation without degrading yourself or the other?
  • Are you ready to have someone point out aspects of you that they find difficult to tolerate where you can sit with yourself and your inner child and see if there is any truth to it? And if so, be bold, brave enough to want to grow and change that about yourself?

Leigh-Joy says loneliness tends to be the reason people want to date, which is not a good reason.

Be ready, knowing you will need to put a lot of effort into it [when you do decide to date exclusively]. Sometimes rewarded, sometimes not,” she adds. 

*Leigh is the chief visionary officer of an impactful consulting practice. Her goal is to activate a sense of complete self-mastery in her clients.

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