Article written by Bonolo Sekudu and first published on News24 on the 16th of August.
- Relationship expert Leigh-Joy shares the story of how she was able to get closure after her recent divorce.
- She let go gracefully and gave her ex-husband three gifts before signing the divorce papers.
- “I, too, wanted to find love again and be free to do so, and I knew I would never be happy if I did not honour what we had.”
Relationship expert Leigh-Joy shares the story of how she was able to get closure after her recent divorce. Her story is a reminder that when things don’t work out in a marriage or relationship, letting go is better than holding on to something that hurts and does not serve you anymore. What is striking, too, is that she let go gracefully without any grudges or bitterness towards her now ex-husband.
Here is her story
Today I signed the divorce papers for my second marriage. I hear myself say: “Another failed marriage. What’s wrong with you?”
I see the joy and beauty of two men loving me enough to walk down the aisle to marry me as two massive successes.
I love my ex-husband enough to know that I cannot make him happy and that maybe someone else could. That is a success for me. Failure would have been staying in the marriage to keep the pretences. I set him free (and myself). That is a success, well, to me.
So let me tell you about the morning I finally signed the divorce papers. I had quite a funny encounter. I tried on two different yet similar faux snakeskin heels. I looked in the mirror and decided the peep toe would be the best one for my outfit. I chose a comfortable outfit, a little sassy and confident but not trying too hard.
While drinking my coffee, I decided to give Charlie gifts as a closure and gratitude ritual. I walked around my home and found three very different but fitting objects. I neatly place them in a small material bag with a drawstring before finishing off my coffee and putting on a pink-red lipstick for extra sass.
I drove to the attorney’s practice, praying for peace and serenity as we finalised the divorce proceedings. It had been a year of trying to find an amicable close to our marriage that honours him, our darling daughter and me. Today, I know we have done that.
I meet my attorney in the parking lot, and we walk in together. His attorney greets us at the boardroom door and shows us our seats. He starts to talk about the divorce order.
I ask if I could please have a couple of moments to give Charlie something before we sign the papers. I knew I had to do something for me to set myself free.
I, too, wanted to find love again and be free to do so, and I knew I would never be happy if I did not honour what we had.
I passed him the bag with the ‘three things’ and asked him to pull out one at a time. He first pulled out the tea light candle, and I said it was for him to always have light in the dark and know that he is the light.
The next one he pulled out was a tiny glitter ball. I said this should remind him to look for things to celebrate in life. And lastly, he pulled out the rose quartz so that he knows he is unconditionally loved and may that unconditional love stay with him.
My voice cracked as the truth rang a bell through my heart. It was beautiful and profound and full of love and light. A great ritual for me to let go and claim the light, unconditional love and celebration of life for myself too.
As I stood in the parking lot after the signing with my attorney, I looked down to find I had on two different types of shoes. I was embarrassed! We giggled. She said I could start a trend.
I realised I had forgotten to take the closed toe and put the other peep toe on. Yet it left me thinking about what the meaning was. I see it as the perfect image of our marriage. We were similar but not compatible.
I love both pairs of shoes, but I wouldn’t wear them together. So this Cinderella claims her own slipper back (both of them) and knows I am open to loving and being loved in return.
To get dating fit, I must have let go and surrendered my once upon a time to find my next forever. Letting go gracefully and conscious uncoupling is a gift to both of us.
